Watching someone you love change because of dementia can be one of life’s most difficult experiences. It can leave families feeling confused, frustrated, heartbroken and unsure of how to help.

One day they remember everything. The next day they don’t recognise a familiar place, ask the same question several times, or become upset over something that doesn’t make sense to you. It’s easy to think they’re being stubborn or difficult. They’re not.

Dementia isn’t a single illness. It’s an umbrella term for a range of brain conditions that affect memory, thinking, behaviour and the ability to carry out everyday activities. Every person’s experience is different, and the changes often happen gradually.

Trying to understand their world
Imagine walking along a washing line on a windy day. Clothes are blowing everywhere. Shirts twist around you, sheets flap across your face, and everything feels confusing and overwhelming.

Then suddenly you catch sight of something familiar – perhaps a favourite shirt or a familiar pattern. For a moment, everything connects.

Living with dementia can feel much the same. Memories appear and disappear without warning. A smell, song or photograph may unlock something from many years ago, while yesterday’s events have vanished. Their brain is trying to make sense of scattered pieces of information, and what they experience feels completely real to them.

That understanding can change the way we respond.

What you may notice
As dementia progresses, your loved one may:

• Forget recent conversations or appointments.
• Become confused about time or place.
• Struggle to find the right words.
• Repeat questions or stories.
• Need help with everyday tasks.
• Experience changes in mood, confidence or personality.

These changes are not deliberate. They are the result of changes happening in the brain.

Small changes make a big difference
You don’t need to have all the answers. Often, the greatest gift is simply patience.

Try to:

• Speak slowly and use simple, reassuring language.
• Keep a familiar daily routine where possible.
• Offer gentle reminders instead of corrections.
• Give simple choices rather than too many options.
• Stay calm, even when they become confused or agitated.
• Focus on how they are feeling, not just what they are saying.

Sometimes it’s kinder to step into their reality than to argue about yours. Correcting every forgotten detail rarely reduces distress, but reassurance often does.

Remember yourself too
Supporting someone with dementia can be emotionally and physically exhausting. You may experience sadness, guilt, frustration or grief long before your loved one is gone. Those feelings are normal.

You don’t have to carry everything on your own. Talking to someone you trust, sharing responsibilities where possible, and asking for guidance can help you continue supporting your loved one while also looking after your own wellbeing.

You don’t have to face it alone
If someone in your family is showing signs of dementia, or you’re finding it difficult to cope with the changes, reaching out for support can make a real difference. Speaking with a healthcare professional, your local clinic, or NMG SmartAssist Employee Wellbeing Programme can provide guidance, practical strategies and emotional support for both the person living with dementia and the family members walking this journey alongside them.